I think my life is quite ironic... Though I have taken part in numerous school sport competitions and performed on stage and stuff, I still haven't liked being in the faintest limelight and have never liked 'basking' in the attention. So I actually quite look up to those who can 'handle' being showered with attention. Hahaha. But well, I guess that's something innate which I can't and don't have to change cos that's what makes me, me.

So that's why since I was young, I have always dreamt of playing the piano in a little corner of a ballroom with people dancing to my music and not bothering about what I am doing. Hence the irony: I like to perform but I don't like the attention.

Very -_- right... hahaha.

Anyway, on my way home today, I was just thinking... This year has almost come to an end. It seems like it has passed in a flash doesn't it? So what makes us think that 50 years is long? It only takes 50 of such flashes before it's gone. And it's been said the rate of time (Ok the phrase "rate of time" is not factually correct since time is constant) increases proportionally with your age. So I have decided not to waste time trying to fulfill someone else's calling instead of mine cos that's not what I'm meant to do in this lifetime.

Lol, just discovered that Elgin can also be a good PI... Hahaha.

Highlight for today was a phone call from my tuition kid!!!! Totally out of the blue... It was such a pleasant surprise hehehe... She wanted to give me her pet HAMSTER!!!!!!!!!!! Cos her mum had just bought her a Jack Russell.. More reasons for me to stay at home!!! =) And for Bird to stay over. =P

Anyway, I told her mum that I wanna discontinue lessons with her cos I know I can't commit next year... And even if I can... I think I will faint from exhaustion hahaha. So, does anyone wanna take over me? Teaching 2 adorable Primary 6 girls, twice a week at night... English,maths & science. In the wild west.. =) The fee is not bad too.. lol.. But only female teacher required. Haha. And people who can commit and see them through PSLE... Let me know by this Sunday. =)

*Above all wonders the world has ever known...*

I think I have a really high maintenance husband... *All for love's sake became poor....* lol... Next up, I gotta get a new bow... And get the bridge fixed... So that'd be my most expensive Christmas present for anyone... Lol....

As for myself... I'd be satisfied enough with the priceless joy and memories he gave me and simply just having him around Lol... He's irreplaceable~ (until I find a better one though... LOL...) Of course the real husband should be one and only!!

Rehearsal today was quite lax and the cellists finally reunited! Full strength today wahaha. And I just discovered that Marilyn has been stalking me ominously and checking up my 'past' life... Lol... I also received a sms from Alice today that her classmate has been showing my almost untouched friendster around... She was actually quite protective over me lol... She's a nice great friend~~ But that didn't bother me too much though...

Another reason not to have Facebook. =P

Back to the rehearsal... I think today's was really kinda special though we did our usual stuff... But while playing a song which we were supposed to imagine us "walking through a garden looking at the birds and butterflies..." I think most of us would have to agree that that moment was magical... We somehow reached a point where it seemed like we had entered Narnia! Think the conductor went in with us as well... LOL...

Pure delight!

Went on a shopping spree today... Totally heartbroken lol...

Bought cello A string (thinnest string on a cello)- $30 , music stand - $17, Tchaikovsky THE NUTCRACKER cd- $13

Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also!

Met Elgin to go IKEA for lunch - $8... And I bought 24 colourful cups - $12 for cg...
Met Jeff, his wife and Matthew for dinner cum movie - $10 =P

='( But all these stuff are quite necessary though... I mean food and music... I can't live without either one man...

Anyway, there are a couple of movies that are quite appealing to me...
"Nanking" and "The Kingdom". Let me know if you're interested...

Tried to get my dad to sing for me while I played the chords on the piano... Lol.. But to no avail... It's really fun playing though I can only play the basic chords now... Addicted already!

*When I fall down You pick me up...*

It's my 5th time hearing my dad sang "Turn your eyes upon Jesus"... He thought it was a new song (because he just heard it).... and wanted me to "learn by heart".... Lol. Even asked if he sang it in tune... LOL...

I guess today was bittersweet... Finally had cello lesson lol... Love! But I think I have some spatial deficiency... Accidentally hit my teacher's cello not once... nor twice... but THRICE. I think I need to do some sort of repentance... Sigh...

Thou shall shower all cellos with TLC
Thou shall shower all cellos with TLC...

Anyway, after lesson, Leon came over to teach me some basic style of keyboard playing... My first baby step... Still on my way! Glad that I finally get this started.. and Leon must be very happy also... Lol...

Today's quite fruitful!! Came home early to practise on my cello n piano... Time seems to be limited for some reason... Probably it's because I can't practise late into the night (or when my bro is watching soccer or basically doing anything else!!!) so as much as I can, I will want to come home early... Though there was once I played "The Swan" at 1am... LOL.. A very emo experience... lol...

Really happy that I finally got my rhythm right for my exam piece... Burden lifted!! After 2 weeks... Lol... I think pianists have relatively bad rhythmic sense, since most of the time it's free expression solo playing... waha. So I really gotta work on my rhythm cos orchestra requires us to play together in beat.. especially since cello is playing the bass most of the time...

Hence, the metronome has just been promoted to being my friend! Lol... However, I still don't get it why my piano teacher doesn't want me to use the metronome....... Can someone explain?
She went "Huh... You want to use the metronome?" Haha confusion. She said that piano is not required to use one since we can't follow it anyway... Maybe piano playing is more 'flexible'??? Haha I don't know...












Looking good together huh lol...

My piano teacher has just started on my exam pieces... I can't imagine playing the same old 3 songs for half a year.... Plus there'll be a lot of new scales to learn... But I'm determined to do well!!!!!!!!!!!! So I'll probably devote a lot of my time in piano next year... Hmmm...

And YES Leon will be teaching me how to play the keyboard next week!!! I REALLY WANT to learn that and hopefully can play for the zone by next month? But I'm giving myself 5 months to familiarize with the keyboard and the style of playing... By then hopefully I can play for JAMs as well... Hehe... A lot of visualizing to do.... So please bear with me if you always catch me daydreaming. Lol....

I really believe that everything starts off with a thought... A vision... An action... And then a reality... The hardest is of course the 'action' as we are bringing the invisible realm into life... Think pregnancy as an analogy. But I guess every mother will forget the 9 months of hardship at the instance she sees her baby... =)

~~~~

Oh my gosh, my dad just sang!!!!! LOL... He was just beside me only lol.... So funny...

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of the earth
Will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace

LOL... My 3rd time hearing him sang that.... and then he fell asleep... LOL....

It's such a lovely song... One that I will love no matter how many times I hear/sing it... =)

Hehehehehehehehe....

I quite like today!!!!!!!!

1) Met up with Cai at Orchard! It's been long ago since our last 'outing' haha. Though I still felt a little bad for not being present at her birthday celebration on Monday... =( Anyway, Cai, know that you will always hold a special place in my heart... Forever and ever!!! No matter where I am or what I am going through, you will always be close to my heart!!! =) And of course no matter how many times you make fun of me or laugh at me!!!!!!!!!! LOL... Love...

2) Received a random call from Marilyn!! In the middle of the night... I thought the call would last only a few minutes since I don't usually talk on the phone... But it lasted a good 45 minutes... Which is considered very long for me already hahaha. Anyway, we talked about some orchestra issues which surfaced recently... AND AIYO I seriously can't stand the DRAMA... I hope that the case has been closed!!!!!! Hope that everyone can move on from here... And hope that next week's rehearsal will resume back to normal and that everyone will play music happily... =)

3) LOL... My father is really quite funny... Quite cute also... Wahaha, some of my closer friends would probably know... Right now he is showing me pictures on his handphone and making funny comments like "I took a picture of the moon..." "There see! I nearly fell into the sea below.." LOL... and he wanted me to change his wallpaper to a cheena junk we took at Clarke Quay.... LOL. "Huh! It's 1 o'clock already!! See la talk talk talk... Tmr have to wake up early!"

LOL... Er... If I talk funnily sometimes, you know who I learnt it from wahahha... Though he has his own set of problems, he still faces life light-heartedly... Which is also a survival skill we ought to learn!!! Man.. He's got the attitude...!

I think it's really tough being a musician... You gotta be mentally strong... Music makes up the reason for 70% of the time I'm sad. Gotta learn to take criticism and basically have to want to learn and improve despite unpleasant things we may hear... For me, I always tell myself, the more I don't 'feel' like doing something, the more I must do it!!! Though playing music is an emotional thing, we can't let emotions take over us!!! At least I'm trying hard not to...

When I first joined the orchestra... I was seriously vv discouraged by the things I hear... To the extent that I didn't wanna touch my cello... Or even wanna see it. That bad. A hell lot of self encouragement to do... and a hell lot of conquering all the negative thoughts inside my mind... And I'm sure I'm not speaking for myself only.

I talk to myself a lot... Sometimes I'm a bit too strict with myself even... "It was you who wanted to get in... and now that you're in it... FOR GOODNESS' SAKE PRACTISE HARD AND GET IN THE FLOW. STOP THIS WHOLE SELF-PITYING THING. WHATEVER COMMENTS THEY SAY, TAKE THEM AND WORK ON THOSE." Well, just a glimpse of what I say to myself sometimes... (Maybe that's why I'm always in my own world...? haha)

Of course all of us want to play well, but how many of us are willing to go through the learning process? Which sometimes involves you having to strip off all pride and struggling to move on while being pulled down by others. I think it's best not to see unpleasant comments as personal attacks but as learning points which we can improve on...

Just a 5 cents worth from an amatuer musician

Sometimes it seems that I'm climbing on a lonely mountain... I don't know what attracted me to it since most of the time I'm only trekking on rocks, with maybe a few sparse patches of greens... But I know that the moment I stop and think that I've reached my destination, that is the time I will begin to tumble backwards...

So by hook or by crook, I must stay strong and fight on! For as long as it takes... Last night, I kept telling God that He must help me!!!!!!! I can't do it on my own for certain. Cos right from the start I didn't even have the 'right' equipment to conquer that mountain... But neither did David when he killed Goliath.

~~~~~~

Sidetrack, if you like 'raw' debates on sensitive issues, you may wanna check out "Wafa Sultan" on YouTube. Hahaha, I salute her!!!!!! Admire her boldness to speak her mind and her calm composure during the debates. This woman, she knows her stuff! Whereas the opposition parties got emotionally stirred up with hands that started 'flying' everywhere, and speaking with extreme absoluteness and biasness. They could have failed GP big time! Hahahaha... It was said, empty vessels make the loudest noise! Hahaha. That's the furthest I'm gonna say, I shall omit my views on that topic here.

I think you really should watch it... hahaha.

BEHOLD!!!!!! You are just about to read a MIRACLE fresh from the oven!!!!!!!!!!

Heh.

I tell you, GOD IS AMAZING!! Beyond human's imagination... Beyond human's understanding...

*putting summary writing skill into practice*

It was the Arise and Build weekend 2 weeks ago, but that weekend I was happily away at Tioman. Was supposed to tell my cgl the amount I wanna pledge... I knew God wanted me to give 20% of my salary, BUT I was negiotiating in my mind whether it was inclusive of CPF!!! LOL. In the end, I didn't pledge that week. Hehehe.. Oops.

HOWEVER, I did it the following week and decided to obey God!!! (ie, to give inclusive of CPF) Of course there were doubts inside of me... But at the same time I really wanna give God an amount that represents my love and trust in Him.

And INDEED WE CAN NEVER OUTGIVE GOD. The week after I pledge, I received a pay increment of 32%. THIRTY-TWO. And I haven't even given a single cent!!!!!! Wow, the power of obedience!!!

Now therefore, if you will indeed obey My voice and keep My covenant, then you shall be a special treasure to Me above all people; for all the earth is Mine
Exodus 19:5

And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the LORD your God
Deuteronomy 28:2

Thank God for His promises!!!!!!!!!

“And now, O Lord GOD, You are God, and Your words are true, and You have promised this goodness to Your servant.
2 Samuel 7:28

AMEN!

This is the song that makes people go aaaawwwww....~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6foPGcWAAo

I remember when I was around 9 or 10... I was lying on my bed at night, perhaps just thinking about God... And I remember vividly the whole scenario... I could actually feel Jesus kneeling right beside my bed, not directly beside my head... But somewhere near the lower half of my body... It was a very blissful and cosy feeling and soon I fell asleep. Hahaha...

My very first encounter with God. Awesome.

“Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” - Jesus

Life's like that... Sometimes you feel like a complete failure, sometimes better... But whatever it is, Life goes on... And we just gotta pick ourselves up and, for goodness' sake, move on.

I encourage myself a lot... That's one of the survival skills we ought to learn I think... (And another is the 'act blur' skill according to Da Ren Lol. Agree.) If not I think I'd probably be dead somewhere...

Haha, sounding solemn here. Ya I am la... I need a night's sleep to recover haha. Then I'll be back to myself again...

My PE teacher once told my dad that I have a never-say-die attitude... Perhaps it's true... Gotta fight till the end!!!!!! Hu ka sha ka!! It's a mental torture sometimes though. Gotta press in towards my dream nevertheless. And please don't tell me it's hard... It kinda irritates me.

~~~

Have been hearing a lot of gossips recently... Given a choice, I'd rather not hear/know anything 2nd/3rd/4th hand. I have selective memory haha, and I am bad in remembering gossips... (Or redundant chemistry or maths equations) Cos most of them are distorted info anyway. Gossips are really really unhealthy!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't stand it. If ever you hear me gossiping about someone, please stop me!!!!!!!!!!! And I give you permission to shoot "Can you stop being so bitchy!"

Ok just some really raw, unprocessed/unrefined thoughts.

Hahahahaha. An idea came upon me this morning and now I'm super duper ultra excited!!!! LOL... Can't contain it! Thanks Kailin n Bird for supporting...

Will say more when everything's finalised. LOL...

As if the cello instrument is not emo enough....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bal1gRVvyJU (Love Me Tender-Combined power of 12 cellists)

Check this out... Lol.

Woah. It's been a tremendous week...
-

Thank goodness my Monday has been kind to me... Zero mistake at work! Incredible. I think God must have lent me a hand, a leg, a brain... Hehehehe. It was also my first time in a SUBARU WRX, controlled by a skillfully reckless guy. Lol. It was damn thrilling, as if in an arcade game. Lol. I simply love speeeeeed.
-
Highlight for this month is probably the orchestra performance last weekend... It was a great time with the cellists lol. Our relationships have blossomed tremendously just this week alone... And I'd say the cello section is the closest-knitted section in the orchestra wahaha. Though the other 3 cellists have been presidents of their schools' orchestras, there is no air around them... Unlike those HIGH and MIGHTY ones you sometimes see...... We are simply music lovers hehe... Playing music because we love it and not because of other motives which I do not wish to mention.
-

There's a fine margin between wanting to do something and willingness to learn it.
And a fine margin between sharing and being plain bitchy.
Which I may wanna elaborate more in the near future...













Family picture with our spouses Lol.
From left: Lisa, me, Elgin
-
There were only 3 cellists on Day 1, and I was the one sitting alone behind the 2... Lol.. Steph kept teasing me la. Lol... The girl playing cello alone at the back.. wahaha. It was kinda rush when we got up the stage... Could barely take a breath before we started to play... But thankfully it went well...












Day 2 plus Marilyn, looking the happiest. Lol...





















Hehe, guess which is mine! Lol...

-

We totally gabra-ed it on Day 2. Maybe half of the orchestra were still half-asleep... There were quite a few 'bombs'.. Lisa and I actually smiled at each other on stage cos we both played wrongly at the same time. That was actually a nice moment I think... I mean the smiling not the wrong playing haha. Performance was kinda erm..... Thankfully there was the choir (to cover up...? LOL) which I think was real AWESOME. They actually did it in 2 weeks. Incredible!!! And well done.
-
Not forgetting KAILIN's 21st Birthday Celebration!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY again and again and again... Lol.. Seemed like I've said that so many times... Wahaha, it was great fun hanging and crapping around with my zone members lol...

-
To be continued...
-_-zZ...

Haha. I'm dead. Looking like some mutant now... As if my genetic code has been crudely altered by the UV rays... BANANA BOAT ALOE VERA GEL has been my saviour. Highly recommended for hot bods. LOL..

Went to Sentosa with a few friends and I tell you... I thought I stepped into a foreign land. LOL... Shan't elaborate...

Lol... From left: Me, Elgin, Sandman, Marilyn

Both are pro pianists and cellists... Salute! Hehehe, I'd need yearsss to reach where they are now. But I always think, if you're at Level 1 now, do your best at Level 1 before proceeding any further... Thy shall encourage thyself... Haha...

Eh sigh... I must confess that I haven't been practising my cello!!!!! The thought of unloading it from its case... Tuning it (by ear!!)... And blablabla always make me think twice or thrice or.. Sigh...... Such ill discipline... So my progress is at snail pace now... Or even slower... I can't go on like that... Hmmm... I must do something about it...

Tmr's piano lesson and I'm not mentally prepared!!! Haven't practised any new songs for the past week... Hopefully I can pass the 2 songs I've been practising... This is bad. Atrocious behaviour and attitude from me...

Must be having too much fun recently... LOL... May I start afresh next week.

Cai and I looking a little too happy... LOL...

-

Can't get enough of the beach and the sea! And vball! For those who play vball, please ask me along in future!!!

I feel very discriminated!!!

I don't know if it's the impression I portray, or others are just lazy to find out... So they always assume these few things...

1) I shop a lot
2) I club a lot
3) I am the gu niang sort

....

Haha whatever la~ They can think whatever they wanna think...

Anyway, I have 2 free movie tickets hahaha, waiting for a nice movie to pop by and someone to watch with... Any recommendation? The last movie I watched was Ratatouille which I almost went to watch it again with my tuition kids hahaha.

By the way! One of my tuition kids got FIRST for English and Chinese!!! Powerrrr......... She reads a lot so it's no wonder. Her mum was so happy she bought her a Jack Russell!! Yay can play with it the next time I go hehehehe. Wish to have a dog too... Woof.

Wanted her to go Sentosa with me too... But she insisted that she didin't want cos she didn't want me to spend money on her... Of course I don't mind.. What a thoughful kid~

The Angel In White Dress (Part II)

An Angel in disguise
Is perhaps in your life
Though eyes may not see
His blessings will not cease
Quietly he comes
In the stillness of the time

-Inspired by the 'Angel in white dress' while showering.

LOL... I think I will still find this angel joke funny after a year... LOL...

The Angel In White Dress (Part I)

Haha, oh man... I'm so 'well burnt' LOL... As described by my boss. LOL. Machiam describing a steak... Try this next time, "Can I have it well burnt?" lol..

Haha, went to our usual place "Ke Ai Ji" for dinner ytd and to catch up... Bird has just been promoted by us to the 'Angel in White Dress' LOL... Congrats and well done Birdy!! We are ever so proud of you!!

You know that night, I couldn't sleep cos of my burnt skin... So I thought of a lot of things.. Like Tioman and bla and when the Angel flashed through my mind, I burst out laughing. LOL.. You girls never fail to make my day man. LOL.

Off for a long-procrastinated jog!

Yu hu~

I'm back to Civilisation after 3 days in laid-back Tioman... It was great! Forgot about life for a while... Soaked up a little too much sun and now I'm like a roasted (insert an animal). Hehehe. Xiao Bai no more!

Taken from the jetty... This was where we stayed...

View from our room.. It was so near the sea I was woken up by the sound of crashing waves!

A little sunset

At low tide

And it's emo time! Reading by the beach alone at night...

Many many fish near the shore

CLASSIC!!! A cat staring at the dried fish above!!!

Cat resting below my chair... I think the population of cats there is more than human's.

Father n I

LOL.. This angmoh kid got a little too friendly with me... She came and sat on my scorched laps!!! Painfulness. Lol then we cam-whored together.

As Night merged with Day

Driving the light away...

-

Hmmm, I spent about half the time alone since my Father kept sleeping in the room!! Hahaha. So it was pretty good too. Went swimming... picking corals... swinging,reading, dozing on a hammock.. lol.. more swimming.. watching the sea..

-

2nd night was the best! We befriended a group of regular divers from Sg and some locals so we chatted into the night... Someone taught me how to throw a dart! Nice. It was a very family kinda feeling... Just that the number of men greatly outnumbered the females. Haha.

-

I may be going there again next March to dive with them! It'll be real cool man. Supposed to go last week with Cai but my dad didn't allow. Boo.. Discovered that some of them skydive too!!!! YES!! Found my kakis.. One day I must do it! Lol. You know what's the ultimate thing? It's to skydive and land into the sea to dive underwater. LOL...

-

So if anyone wanna come with me, you're greatly welcome! Anyone ya haha. Good things must share. Haha...

-

*In awe of the wonders of God*

Aiyo, why are you guys so amused by me being fat. LOL... One thing about me, the happier I am the more I will eat hahahaha... Directly proportional one. Lol... Good lor. Now I'm you bai you pang. Hahaha. Sigh~

Erm I shall move on to something else...

I've been wanting to talk about this for months - the D (for domineering) people. It's good to have them around, they are always the ones getting things done, keeping things in order. However, too much of something is not good.

Take my boss as an excellent example. I respect him a lot. Not because of his position/importance but simply because he respects me as well. He has every reason to scold/raise his voice at me, but he didn't. He remains composed and patiently teaches me the right way to do things. *Salute!* He has every reason to command me around, but he didn't. He says his 'please's and 'thank you's.

He is firm yet reasonable. Let's face it, a loud scolding doesn't work anymore. (Getting a little absolute here..) It may be effective 20 years ago, but people have since learnt the fine art of fighting for their rights (or they'd call it 'rebel'). Scoldings are just a big loud nothing. It's not a matter of being teachable when the teaching method is 'wrong' in the first place. (wrong as in inappropriate)

We gotta realise that most of the time, the unspoken things are ironically louder than the things we hear. That is, in a scolding, yes we hear words. But even louder are a sense of rejection and disapproval. And the latter lingers in a person longer than words.

Of course I'm not talking about scolding a kid. I totally side parents who do that when necessary. I'm talking about people who have reached a certain level of maturity and sensibility, when scoldings are just big dramas.

What do you think?
Refutation is welcomed.

Myself, I'm still learning too...